A Letter To My Son2

Dear son,

At the onset of this cold untimely discourse, I must tell you that this is the product of failed parentage; a thing that has driven cowardice into the core of lacking values that defines my person and thus I can’t dare speak to you face to face.

Was I ever a good father? That I can’t remotely remember .But fresh in my mind are the many times we spent watching those stupid movies the whole night while laughing and making obscene commentaries and the  tired house keeper had to  miss  his sleep on these nights because of us. Something more that I remember too is that I was here in KU-land long before I knew you will be partaking and contributing to the making of our strong elegant culture. I have been here long enough and tradition and decency demands that to you, my only heir, I have to bequeath all that I ever had. But before that, let’s take a walk down the memory lane.

Son, did you know that some people thought that I was a loser? Well, I am proud too, you know, of the things that I have done and got away with. Do you remember the first time you came to this place? You were lost, tired and confused while pulling a very huge bag and looking at you I said, “That boy is pretty innocent but he is going to break some hearts.”  You never knew where to start from and the queues were too long with bodies pressing and pressing even harder you almost passed out- my father’s genes gives strong enduring offspring not like yours but then there is your mother and it seems you have taken after her. Those good fellows seated at those many windows in the 8-4-4 block and taking tea with buns and boiled eggs were not concerned about serving you faster and I saw your face get clouded with anger and disgust and I said, “This lad has the capacity for hatred too!”

After they had officially declared you a noble citizen of KU-land it was my responsibility to orient you before The Madam and her team showed you irrelevant things that will never be much of help to you. First you had to know KM and getting there you wondered aloud why this small ka-village could be so complex than the coveted culture village. You took me by the arm and asked “Pa, is this place usually this beautiful with skirts?” Was I to be offended? No! I saw an aspect of my genes in you-you were hot blooded like your father. But we needed to focus. These skirts are too many and more pretty than the madam’s  flowers if paraded for you it will take you a hundred years to make a prudent choice and most probably you’ll want to take ‘em all.

Our mission in KM-land was to introduce you to the members of the “Legion of the Drink”. We had our little sanctuary, Kwa Mbugs, where the membership was free and the sweet water flowed depending on your pocket size. Back home that priest was too mean he only allowed us a sip on those blessed Sundays. You could never take enough to feel your head light and see the world spin around.

Forget about that for a while now and let me give you some advice. While here, son, beware of that hand out called HELB.When you don’t have it  days bleed blood and when you get it ,it is so bewitching it will make the ugliest of endeavours look so pretty you will hardly think straight. It is sweet you will want to spend it-we called it “reducing the load to manageable size”. But one thing you can be sure of it will make you miserable by inevitably driving you into being broke before you know it. Then you’ll resort to seeking for grants from foreign lands to help offset your budget deficits. Even then you will have to agree to implement the structural adjustment programs these donor fellows will suggest before you hope to see your phone blink with a message from Michael J’s famous MPESA.  

When I was to come here they sent this hand out and off I ran to Garissa Lodge to get the best of clad to help sell my portfolio to the ladies. I also went to Phone Express shop and got a phone whose value could feed any ordinary citizen of this place for a few months before the semester wound up. I was misinformed the same way you were that this was the land of plenty. And before I could tell the difference between science zone and science complex, a good Samaritan came along and helped himself with my clads and my phone. Then I swore ever to use a kambambe not unless otherwise. I ran broke but that little book of life helped me but I had to contend with Akala the whole semester- I have left you a similar book under my name-eat but remember the eleventh commandment: thou shall not be caught and make sure they don’t ask for an ID or else they will know you are a fake and make you starve.

I remember one time I took advantage of my-all- time- tough- donor of a father and when I reported here I was loaded. On a Friday, like everybody else I went to have fun in town. Those days “bend over” had not come but we had something akin to it. My evening got pretty steamy with this hot chic making it colourful.She made me drink like fish and still she gave me a fake name. The next time I became sober it was two o’clock in the morning and I was slouching on a chair at a corner of the club with no shoes, money nor even my kabambe.She must have been in a hurry to keep my stuff away from the bad guys and forgot to take my ATM card and with it I made my second last withdrawal. There after the ATM machine resorted to cold treatment.

Your grandpa was a great guy but he never taught me the art of keeping a lady for more than two weeks nor did he tell me that they were the most complicated species. I thought this place was like the village where conquest was guaranteed: two "NOs" and the third one always a “YES”. But I realized these sisters were keen on men; were complicated; were very sophisticated; intelligent and very beautiful I realized that in the game of love I was a small time player and that they got my game under control. I barely kept these sisters for two weeks. They always pushed me to the brink of becoming  a heartless player but how does it profit you to sell your heart to the devil and become an angel of destruction and pain.

Putting on trendy clads was an indication of ability and they told me that ladies preferred guys who were loaded. What fun would, after all,one get from a broke fellow who’s shopping contained more toilet paper rather than juice and other things the ladies preferred. A lady rejected a friend of mine because he was always carrying sukuma from Nyayo Market and she thought dating him meant becoming a rabbit of some kind. A few years later, I realized these ladies preferred our smartly dressed brothers who dressed official as if on job hunting spree. I got tired of pleasing them and I thought of shifting to the Eastern village to enjoy my last days in peace and manage with my pitiable pension settlement.

Son, at this juncture I would strongly wish to tell not to feign love. How I wish that I could in the same way tell you to fear falling in love. But never mind. Just make sure that you have your eyes open to see the faces this love is always making at your ignorance. When sure enough that you have fallen in love, tread carefully and give your heart to somebody who will keep it safe for you till you come for it one day. As much as I would like to think of this place as a man-eat-man society there are plenty of good people around and be careful not to be indebted to them. You might not be able to pay back well enough.

On days when I wasn’t breaking CASB rules by “dangerously tapping electricity” to soften the stones in the name of beans I got cheaply from Githurai, I was in KM taking my point five. Then I thought point five was for guys and ladies went to Mugumo or Culture Village. But there I met another lady, a point fiver like me and we connected pap! Later I realized that she was a gentle soul and better than me so I feared taking her debt and I ran away before telling her my fake name.

My son, if you can afford it, love and cherish good roomies who are memory makers. They will always be bent to make your stay here a memorable thing by offering you lasting experiences even when they have not asked if you really needed such memories. My roomy was the exile master and many a times I found myself sleep walking between Nyayo campus and Eastern village -sometimes very late in the night. I was, against my wish, forced to spend the night with a gentle friend who at night would snore like a thousand engines of KQs airbuses. And then he would say a lot of nonsense while sleeping; things he would never say while awake. Since then I swore never to be awake while others slept or listen to what others said while asleep on days when even sleep demanded a bribe I could not afford. 

One day I learnt of a trick for repossessing the room from my good friend. He never liked Omena so I took it upon myself to make his stay in the room a good experience. I fried the things and he kept out of the room but at one time I feared I might suffer from malnutrition. It meant that I had to make the delicious meal every day, and I can advice you not to go down that line too.

I have remembered something too. When I first came here there was this thing called matriculation. We were offered free sodas and I took two instead of three. Am pretty sure some unlucky fellow missed this lavish treatment. We were then told to not keep our eyes off first class honours. I swallowed the good words and soon found myself in the Africana section in the Moi library. The position I took became mine and soon I realized I could score babes coming in and going out without any hindrance. I got destructed and on waking up the semester was gone and people were fighting for chairs every where in the lib and reading area. It seemed like wild ghosts had suddenly taken possession of the rooms and the proud owners had to run for safety in the library or the reading area.Nakumatt was deserted and thieves thanked the heavens for such a rare chance. I read hard and next time I went for my result slip I had few As and Cs and Ds. I thought Second Class Upper was more appealing and I quit the library all together.

Let's put side the stories. My will.Eheh!I am leaving you my sharp knife for chopping “sakuma wiki” all semester long and I hope  it lasts you long enough before you sharpen it again.Then you'll have saved that "mbao" you would have given the grinder-man or saved you the energy wasted on sharpening it on the wall.Have the salt and sugar tins. I always went out to hunt for these essential commodities every semester end and make sure you keep the tradition going. But a word of caution: don’t hunt for salt and sugar from that lady you are fancying nor tell her how broke you are. If she asks for bus fare to take her home-even if she won’t take note of you the following semester-find it even it means you taking route eleven home. If you don’t, whatever happens will be your own fault. Pay my debt with mama sukuma in KM and please don’t go to the Nyayo 1 common room with those expensive shoes you have. They might use them to clear my debts at the pool table even before you have time to floss around in them.

Otherwise, I wish that you have enough troubles to let you denounce your comfort zone and learn to hustle liken other men who ever think of having children and taking  other peoples’ daughters to sing them lullabies before they  go to bed. During our time we had the pleasure of staggering from Mbugs in KM at noon but now beware of that man called Mututho.He has made us an endangered species. If it is a must that you must cool your nerves become nocturnal but till midnight.

Son, during boring lectures sleep and let others do the group assignments for you. After all, this is KU and we know better than any body what impunity means. How you make your As matters not but if you don’t know how to make use of MP3s don’t ever think of them not unless you have practiced your marathon skills well enough to enable you take off from the vicious invigilators or otherwise you’ll go to Hague like Taylor. My handwriting was large I never managed to make compressed folders. But lots of notes I photocopied from friends-though I was in KU most of the time- and then exams we did the HARAMBEE way.

Soon they will be giving me all the power to tarmac and before that I wish to get myself some few coins. This is Nai-robbery, you know. So, see you son.

From

Loving sleepwalking buddy

Great-daddy-for-life

 Charl Chotto

A Date with the Storm

I was never a patient guy, but that day sitting there and thinking about love, the only thing I could offer for my changed miss-fortunes was to wait. However,there was a little problem. The eastern horizon was getting darker by the second and there was no doubt that there was going to be a storm. The wind started blowing in slow pace towards the lake as if giving a warning that things would soon be nasty. Then suddenly as if angered by the mortals who had refused to pick the cue from its warning, it started blowing faster and stronger. A black polythene paper rose from the grass, floated a little distance above the ground and then it started rising even higher. A few more seconds and it was flying miles above the storied buildings, carried aloft in the stormy breath of the strong wind such that it looked like a small dot in the sky moving towards Kondele market.

Every body was now alarmed. Standing in the church compound which was on the higher ground, I could see vehicles with both the rear and front lights all alive at once skirting along the Kakamega Road towards Mamboleo or town centre at a killing speed.

The sun was already gone and it was getting darker than usual. Huge dark clouds had stealthily crawled from the distant east and now they hang menacingly over the Kajulu hills like huge monsters that would devour the hills any time. In Kisumu, we were used to light calm showers but this day it was like all the pent up frustration of the mysterious sky was going to be let loose on us. It was strange.

There was no place to shelter but that was the least of my worries. I was in the sacrificial mood for love and nothing was going to turn me away from my predestined destination. After all, the beauty of love lay in the little sacrifices that I had to make. No pain no gain. So I waited and the storm continued to brew with the clouds now drifting even closer to the ground.

                                       

I was in love and there was no doubting this. And the more I thought of it, how it felt and the beautiful girl who was making the centre of my existence to spin like a leaf in a whirl wind, the more I got convinced that I was in love. Time seemed constant and each day that I went to bed I was happier than I ever was at any moment in my whole life. It was like I was in banquet with all the best that life could offer any mortal before me and I was devouring it all and still wanting more. She embraced me and my heart raced fast than all the Keinos combined. I kissed her and my world stopped. Then after, I went mad with love, love, love, smiling wherever I went and whistling useless tunes I had never known before then. And on that day, I had a date-not the real date -but I was meeting her any way .At three in the afternoon! In the church!

                 

Thursday afternoon was a beautiful Kisumu day. While standing at Kapensa and casting my glance to the south western horizon, I could see the surface of the lake light gray and calm. Over to the north were the rugged but beautiful Kajulu hills green and peaceful in their never ending slumber. Drifting towards the west, the hills became smooth and extensively rounded with beautiful houses built on their tops. The hills stood scattered like huge mounds of oversized ugali and were only a preserve of the moneyed that had the beautiful view of the lake from their houses without needing to go the shores. Even then,they had a bird’s view which was greater than watching the lake form the shore.

It was 2.30 when I got to the church. I was nervous and quite distracted. A couple of my friends who were attending the fellowship that evening had already arrived. Every body was glad to see me and I found their enthusiasm and eagerness to drug me with questions very disturbing. I wanted space to think, maybe at the corner where I used to sit on prayer nights before everything changed. Was I going to May’s place for the fellowship? Hell no! Then there was the usual prodding and persuading but I was not breaking at all. And they were disappointed. I was the bold and daring funny man and my company was all they needed for the usually boring Thursday gathering.

 Three o’clock was the time and I was boiling over and out with erosive anticipation. My heart beat fast and I felt like going to the loo, only that I wasn’t really pressed. It happened all other times when I was extremely nervous like the first time I presented a skit in a packed church on a Sunday. Had my friend J-ton not noticed my state then perhaps I would have made a perfect day scholar at Mathare mental hospital.

“What is it, man? You look greatly troubled.”J-ton was now standing next to me tall and commanding. His eyes scared me since it was like he could see into the deepest pat of my heart.

“Why do you ask? When did you begin minding other people’s business?”

“Aye, my man. I meant no harm. You are my pal and I know you well enough. Whatever it is,you don’t need to go through it alone.”

“It is nothing. May promised to see me today and am going nuts before I even do. Guy, am going crazy.”A broad smile was now spread on his face and I knew he was not with me. May was the hottest girl around within the church and back in the neighborhood and having got her before other men did was an achievement that J-to was so much proud of.

“May? Buddy, you are great. That chic is hottest and I wonder what charm you gave her. I can’t believe that she is in love with you.”

"What charm I gave her? You should be asking what charm she used on me. She fills me up. I can’t spend a day without seeing her. Every time she is ever on my mind and every time I want to spend more and more time with her. It is not easy for me.”

“And now she is leaving? What you gonna do?”That was the wound and his words just shot the centre of it on target.I had been running away from myself-somehow I was still living in denial and scared to face the truth-and it helped me get away from an impending nervous breakdown.

“I don’t know my friend.” 

“Come on. I know you are mad about this girl-why won’t I myself be -and you need a plan. You can’t make her stay and I bet it is going to be a hell of a living to wake up every day and she is hundreds of miles way. You need a plan B for survival”

“And what is your plan B?”

“Find another girl and then forget about her once she is gone. Simple!”

“Really? With or without May here I will live. I was drifting like a dead log in life before she came a long and I gonna live on even if just to her memory. Distance matters not .Just the knowledge that somewhere out there she is thinking about me will be reason enough to smile and strive to be better before fate unites us again.”

“Oh Lord have mercy. Now I know you have gone mad.”

“Why do you insist on making this even header for me?”

“No, no, brother. Be sensible! When did you start trusting a girl like that? Open your eyes and see. She is going to Nairobi and once there she ceases to be yours truly. That place is a jungle and unlike here men are seasoned players and crafty in the art of seduction and in wasting women. She won’t stand chance. Your lady is hot and bright like the midday sun and she gonna glow in that God-for-saken city of a place. They will see her ,get poisoned by her beauty and then come for her and then you will be out of the league, for good! Why am I even telling you this? Gosh!”

“So?”

“What am trying to say is simple. The way you find her amazingly pretty is the same with other guys here and it will be in Nairobi .Count her out now and start thinking of a replacement for her.”

“Wow, your presentation is pretty neat!But hell no! I had May because I loved her. Other girls can wait with or without her. Another girl can go to hell, you hear!”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Right man. You are always talking tough.Eh!”

The discussion wasn’t taking us any where. We always argued about everything. Suddenly all was silent and it became more unbearable for me.

“Why not play some music?”I suggested to J-ton.
 

“Why not?”

J-ton was the piano master and he had spent months teaching me the drum set and now I was having lessons on the piano too. He was a witch with the keys and my legs couldn’t keep off the drums. We set the instruments and Alex, the youth choir leader picked up a tune. It was amazing. The beat of the drums and the delicate notes flowing from the piano fused with the beautiful voices of Alex and other singers who had now arrived ,and as the music  drifted in the air ,I could see May and I and the times we had had together dance along like dust particles dancing in a calm breeze. And my troubles were no more.

The music was good and we did not notice time flying by. I was feeling elated and lifted. Everything was because of May. Going to church got better because she was present. It was now Four o’clock and I was getting worried again. She had not yet arrived. Something seemed to be working against my fortunes by holding her .Whatever it was nobody knew. My hopes were going down and J-ton was getting concerned.

“Why don’t you come with us?”

“No!”

“Why not?" It is better than sitting here. The fellowship is to start at 4pm and it is already time. She will be busy helping her mum and sisters with the visitors and she won’t be coming.”

“You speak so harshly as if you are taking pleasure in my plight.”Of course I knew J-ton to be sincere person and he always had my back more than I had had his. It is only that I wanted some soothing statements.

”I don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.”

“So what! If I were you I wouldn’t mind.”

“Every body knows what is going on between me and May.I have never attended any fellowship and attending this will be suspicious even if done with good intentions.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Nothing. I’ll sit around and wait. She has never let me down.”

“’Am afraid that will not happen. Alex insists on closing the church. And the weather isn’t promising today.”

“As he wishes. I don’t mind.”

“Ok then. I hope to see you at six.”

“Ok.”

 By four fifteen, the church members attending the fellowship had grown even bigger. They had a short prayer and then left for May’s parents house in Migosi estate. I was left behind hanging around the church’s compound like a lost being in dire need of spiritual refurbishing. When I checked my watch again, it was now five o’clock and she had not come.

                                  

I had missed her the whole night and with each second that ticked way into the darkness, the more the need to see her grew stronger. My bed seemed colder that night and the mosquitoes were more resilient in their hunt than other many nights I had slept without a net. I felt suffocated inside a mosquito net and most nights I never bothered to unroll it over my bed.

My heart was breaking. I was not prepared to let her go so soon. I felt scared at the thought of what may become of me when she finally left town. My heart ached for her and I could not hold back stray tears. Many thoughts rushed through my mind and I could see myself waking up in the morning only to find that she had an already left. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and reassure myself over and over again that she was still around and that she was still mine. I wanted to embrace her even if it was my last.

That night was like a  sentence broken with many commas and hyphens, only managing to catch some sleep once and losing it the next moment. And I didn’t give a damn to it though I knew my eyes would be read and heavy the following day. There were better things on my mind that I had to take care of and sleep, for all I cared could wait. After long agonizing hours of waiting, dawn finally came but my plight was yet to be over. Time was too timid to move and I was tired of waiting. When it struck nine o’clock in the morning, I was at the verge of losing my sanity. I was not waiting anymore. I dashed out of the house to find her.

I was too preoccupied with incoherent thoughts to realize that I had got to their place. The blue iron gate to their compound was not locked, so I pushed slowly and got in. And there she was, bent over a pile of clothes which under no ordinary circumstances I would be able to wash in one day. She was busy washing while humming a bongo tune. She had not noticed that I was there and I stopped to take a good look at her. Standing there and looking at her in the backdrop of the sun bathed green slopes of the hills to the north on that beautiful morning was like standing before an angel. She was dazzlingly beautiful with well rounded and well polished curvy structure that supported delicately her enchanting and touching physical endowments. She never kept long hair but the short curly dark hair and the slightly pushed back hair line made her silky eyebrows more slightly straight giving her face the characteristic bright nature. 

“Women have a sixth sense,” someone once argued, and it appeared that it was true. She had not seen me yet but she sensed that someone was in the compound and in fact staring at her. She rose up, turned round and laid her fragile large lively eyes on me. And she couldn’t stand the power of my larger than usual smile. She was taken a back, the words she wanted to say having stuck some where in her mouth. A minute, one more and she said the first batch of words she could get from her verbal resources. "Oh...wo...wow! Is that you?”She stammered while trying to compose herself from the shock.”Are you ok? To what do I owe this unusual visit?”

“Am good. But there is nothing to give you high blood pressure. Let’s just say that am here to see one beautiful lady whose smile is enough to bribe any sensible guy into spending a sleepless night”

“Aha! She must be very lucky to be thought about that much. How pretty is she?”

“With all my life I can assure you that she is the prettiest lady I have ever had close to me.”

“Quite interesting! Have you seen her yet?”

“Lemme see.Yeah! And she is glowing today. You know, just thinking about her fills me with great joy I have never known before.”

“Huh! Very sweet words. Where is she?"

“Right in front of me. And I was wonderin’ if I could give her a hug.” By now she was genuinely pleased and she was blushing too. Her smile was charming and radiant like the morning sun and its rays got into the deepest of me. The long red silk dress with patterns of daisy beautiful printed on it that she was wearing loosely clung to her body gently exposing such a neat feminine figure. She took a step forward and walked into my open arms. This was my first time to hug a lady so intimately and looking at it I seemed experienced and composed yet I had only seen such scenes in the movies. And looking into my eyes she, in the sweetest of her mellow voice, said," I missed you.”

I wanted to say something poetic and nice but my mind hang and I managed only the usual “I missed you too.” But then  a ray of light got into my mind and I added,” I had missed you the whole night and the temptation to see you was too much I couldn’t bear to wait any longer."

“Come on fren’.You need to grow up. You need to take grip of yourself. Missing someone is normal and shouldn’t make you run around as if you hell has broken loose.”

“I know, but you don' understand.”

“What is it?”

“I was scared that I might wake up to find you gone. It is five days since I saw you last and you were supposed to have been gone by yesterday.”

“Well, as you can see am still here. At least for now. As for Nairobi, am still not sure if we shall be leaving soon but it can be anytime. So, why don’t you calm down and smile for me.”

“Is that an order, lady?”

“It is more than that.”The seductive and comical look on her face was so infectious I couldn’t hold back a smile. And it sprung from the fountain of love and passion in my heart. I took a step a forward and held herb again. I gave her a peck on the cheek and she reciprocated by light pinch on my left wrist.

“Am scared of losing you.The thought of it is killin’ me.”

“Same with me. I can’t imagine going to Nairobi and staring life all over without you by my side. Am goin’ to miss you a lot. But am sure we will be in touch.”

“I know. But living without seeing your face is like waking up to dawns without the sun to light up the sullen sky. I cherish you more than anything else and you make me feel like I have it all. With you I get the power to be anything I wan’ to be. You make the world turn around and without you I would be lost gain more than I was before you found me.”

“Lemme say this: Before I knew you, I always dreamt of a guy who would love me, hold me, care for me and make me forget the world .And then you came along I found joy and more than I had asked for. Whenever am with you I feel my spirit light and like an eagle in the sky I seem myself flying high and conquering things that weren’t real before. My love will always be yours and nothing will change it. It is a promise am making to you.”

“So sweet!”The look on her face told it all. I could never find reason to doubt her. “Someone once said that loving somebody is not always holding onto the person but sometimes it means letting them go…”

“…and if he or she came back to you then he or she is yours forever. “ She completed the phrase and we both laughed.

“So we’re letting ourselves go, right? For me, I’ll love you always and each day I’ll strive to ensure that I see you again.”

“I’ll be waiting for you too.”

“Let’s just say that our parting is our destiny today but our tomorrow we shall help fate in making it. And then we shall see gain.”

“All will be fine.”

“You sure?”

“A hundred percent. Well, I better I get going. You are busy and I need to go to Luanda with my mum”

“Luanda? Today? Will you be coming back?”

“Yes, most probably let in the evening. And lest I forget, when do I see you again?”

 “I don’ know?”

“Today in the evening?”

“Dad will be coming early today and you know him.”
“What about tomorrow?”

“I am not sure too. We have a send off fellowship here tomorrow.”

“So that means that you can leave anytime without bidding you goodbye?”

“Hell no! That can’t be! What if…eh…er…where will you be tomorrow around 2.30 in the afternoon?”

“At home.”

“Ok then. Let’s meet in the church at 3pm before the visitors start arriving .J-ton told me that he would come for the fellowship and I was thinking that it would be wonderful if you too came.”

“That is very impossible.”

“But why?”

“The church people know what is going on between us and your father does not approve of it.”

“Fine then. In the church tomorrow.”

It was parting time and the brave faces we were putting on could not hold any more. I saw her look aside and didn’t want to look into my eyes. Her face was clouded and I got worried. I pulled her closer and in her eyes stood two heavy diamond-like tear drops. My heart was hurting too but my tears flowed inwards. I took her into my arms and held each for like eternity. She then broke away from my arms and looked at me in the eyes. The next thing I felt was her soft leaps on mine.They were soft and charged sending sharp waves to every part of my being.I took the cue from her and I was doing it better than I ever thought I will do.And that was my first kiss and I was  floating in the clouds after with the wings it had given me. It felt warm,sweet and out of the world. We forgot the world and the only thing I knew after wards was that I was in love with an angel.

I was happy that I had seen May but it did not last long. The moment the reality struck me I woke up from the false seep I had fallen into. May was my first love and we had only dated for two months when she told that she was leaving. Her family was moving to Nairobi in April. Then it was February and it seemed a dream.

At that time I never wanted to believe her wild news. I was new in love and was still learning my way round the love jungle and its weird ways. Days came and went and April moved closer. Then I had to start believing her story and strangely I started looking forward to that day when she will finally break away from my arms.

Now time had moved and she had got only few days before they left. Days became longer and I bled deep inside as I mourned the great treasure that circumstance was busy wrestling out of my hands.

It had come too soon when I had just discovered the meaning of love and life. I had lived to be loved and adored unconditionally by a lady who was ready to sacrifice everything just for me. Many of the guys who sought after her seemed better in many ways than me but out of them all she picked on me and I felt I owed her for that positive vote of confidence in me. She had taught me to love and to be a great man.

As I walked home while trying to relive the previous months moments in my life. I stopped to have a look at the hills to the north. That morning they appeared freshly more green, young and elegant than I had ever thought of them. My heart yearned to climb them, embrace them forever and sleep on their breast if only they could touch my heart with the eternal and immortal grace. But they were just hills not human.

I often wondered what kind of a fighting and forever living spirit the hills had. They never seemed shaken or troubled by anything. The grass would wither in the dry season,get burned by no-body -knows-who but with the coming of the rains,it was seething with wild fragrant green vegetation. How I wished my friendship with May was like the hills, strong and tolerant enough to stand the test of time. Nothing mattered more than seeing her smile and laugh, full of life and joy.

                                   ***  

I had underestimated the storm. It was worse than I had imagined it would be. It rained heavily with lightening and thunder blast alongside a strong wind that threatened to tear off the iron sheets from the roof tops. At first it started with hailstones and then it became heavy and the wind very violent. All this time I was huddled to the western side of the church under a thin extension of the roof which did little to help my situation. I was rained on and pounded by the frozen water all in the name of love and by the time the rain stopped at seven in the evening, I was well spent and done.

I was cold and hungry but my spirit was not broken. It felt warm inside thinking that she could still come to find me having been pounded by the rain just because of her. Her sympathy, care and her noticing of my selflessness will seem so beautiful she will always think of me even long after going to the capital city. Quarter past seven and she had not yet come. That is when it dawned on me that she was not coming at all. I felt so angry with her and more with myself for having been such a fool. She had not told me to stay in the rain and catch pneumonia but still what was the worth of  making sacrifices if no one was there to say "Sorry, but thanks for being so selfless for my sake.”I was disappointed with love which then I saw us one elusive thing meant to torment and play us fools ,we, the poor inexperienced souls who could not detect it follies so easily. To think that I had got  love seemed a mere dream.

When J-ton came and found me in the cold, I could barely talk.He suggested that we go home and like a meek sheep I followed him.

We had only moved a short distance from the church when we heard someone laugh at a stall next to the road. The voice was familiar but I did not want to imagine who it could be. Obviously it was May. I was familiar with her voice and to hear her laugh so heartily in such a care free manner pained even more. The darkness was now thick except for the light coming from the naked bulbs stuck inside and on the veranda of the nearby shops. Pools of water were every beside the road except the tarmac road leading from Kakamega Road to Kenya-RE estate and on to Carwash where it joined the Kibos –Kondele Road.

She had no idea that I was around and she was chatting the lady who sold groceries in a stall next to the junction. I did not want anything to do with her, let alone speak to her. I just wanted to get home and change my clothes. I felt betrayed by love and wanted some time alone to think. I was so angry I could break a mosquito’s neck and I feared facing her in that state lest I do something I would live to regret forever. I did not want to speak to her. “She wasn’t worth it,” I reasoned out. We were barely out of our teens and perhaps my understanding of sacrifice differed fro hers. But J-ton had something in mind.

“I know you are angry but that is May and you are goin’ to talk to her.”

“Never!”

“Yes you will. Look at who’s fighting now. Wasn’t it you preaching to me about love and sacrifice this very day. Where is your faith brother?”

He had got me good, using my words against me. But I was still not keen on seeing her and thinking of it I was not angry any more with her. I was mad about the fact that being in her presence will melt away all the anger and she wouldn’t then be able to see how hurt I was by her betrayal. Before I could resist J’s proposal, he was already talking to May.

“May, what have you done to my friend? I never knew that you were this selfish.” He told her. The words were a little harsh but he simply playing the game-be on the offensive rather than being defensive.

“Nothing. You are talking about my boy friend, I suppose?”

“Yes!”

“I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”

“Were the two of you not supposed to meet today? I know you were tied up but still you should have done something”

“I don’…oh my God! I forgot! Oh…”

“You see! Am afraid your sorry wouldn’t help much today. The guy has been waiting for you since two and has been in the storm all this while, just for you. I bet you’ll never get a guy like him.”

“I…I…er…I don know what to say. Where is he?”

“Behind you?”

She turned around and saw me standing beside the road while holding myself like a homeless lost beggar. I saw the basket fall down and she ran into me without even considering that I was wet and cold. She clutched me tightly without saying a word. She loosened her grip and looked at me. Tears had welled in her eyes and I could see her sincere apology in the pain and shame that clouded her pretty face. The ego thing that had reigned in my heat sublimed and all that was left behind was coldness. No matter what had transpired I still felt that I loved her very much.

“Can you find it possible in your heart to forgive me?"

“Why should o forgive you? I don’ remember you doing anything wrong.”

“Please love, don' hurt me, not now. I didn’t mean to heart you.”

“Never mind. You just have a safe journey to Nairobi. I can always take care of myself.”

“No! We must talk about this. Can we meet tomorrow?”

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about. You have put everything in very plain terms that I don’t mean much to you”

“Don' ever talk to me so selfishly like that. You know that what you are saying isn't true. Am not letting you go till you promise me that we gonna talk about this. Can I come to your place tomorrow?”

“Uh…um…yeah, if you wan to.”

“Ok! Just know that I didn’t mean to do this to you. Am very sorry. You know I love you, right?”Then she crowned her words with such a sweet passionate kiss I forgot I was angry.

“I love you too.” By now as she looked into my eyes with a wild light dancing wild in her eyes, the will power to act stubbornly was gone and all I know is that we loved each other even more.

A Touching Elegance

The heaven's swollen eyes,

Were pressed dry,

Leaving the firmament spread,

Wide,broad and out,

In an azure endless sheet,

And as dusk crept in, 

It spread its tender breath,

Gently pampering the grieving souls,
That throbbed in a dying tempo,
And huge like a red ball,
Emitting cold red flames,
It hung west,
Stealthily receding deep west,
Behind the ever youthful Odiado Hills,
While painting all red and gold,
Yet too shy to ever come east again.
And behold!
It was such a beautiful thing ,
I never ever saw,
And the souls which looked into its eyes,
Were golden and redeemed,
All saluting the perfect elegance,
That tears and pain it traded for joy,
So soft and gentle its touch,
My soul never felt,ever!

BEYOND THE MADNESS

You wake up in the morning, most probably late for a lecture and look at
yourself in the mirror. And what do you see. A tired face courting age .At
the back of your head pain begins to throb and before long it spreads to all
parts of your precious skull. Then the realization that you are in KU and
things are not really good dawns on you.

You are broke, having spent your HELB during the first week of reporting to
campus and the “bamba mbao” you got from a good friend isn’t productive. No
one is willing to pick your calls. You hate queuing but it is a must in KU.
The term papers come and group members disappear only to surface when you
have handled everything. You are the bookie, the exams come and you scoop
meager grades together with missing marks which are nowhere to be found. You
think of last SEM and all you can remember is going home with no clothes
after they were “sanywad” by a Good Samaritan together with your laptop-
your investment of the year!

At such moments the reality painfully sets in, that this is not the life you
thought you will have in KU.

 Life becomes one painful drag and before you know it, you are stepping into
the "free world" again, perhaps a semester if you happen to  have been
taking an extra unit every sem.Such times excitement sets in as you think of
a job waiting for you somewhere and then the chums. I differ with my pals
who harbour such thoughts and so they brand me a pessimist. Life no longer
follows that old script: go to campus, get your honors, get a good job and
live a good life happy ever after. You need to be creative and versatile to
court success much sooner. And knowing this is being realistic.

 Everyone at a given moment gets fed up with stuff in KU.Things always
aren't working right.So, like everyone else, to nurse my frustration, I pass
by the Mbug's in KM for a sip of the "holy-water” to calm my nerves. But
here it is not different. I am forced to sit at a table with guys who are
brooding over their drinks. The mood is tense as they talk about the many
relationships that have left them dry and hopeless.

In KU, the first thing on a lady’s mind on meeting a guy is that here comes "Mr.
Playboy". True, many are. But to think that there is a clan of guys who too
get unfair deals in these lavish contracts calls for another glass to drawn
this discovery .It is our culture, our heritage  that here relationship do
not have the fairy tale attached to them. They simply do not last and if
they last than a semester then you are a worker and beyond that people begin
to wonder what you are up to. Heartbreaks are like a UCU, just like knowing
KM, which if you never knew is part of everyone's course work.

Many of us, if discos were to be offered in this faculty, would be
disillusioned by now, hopelessly watching over our fallen castles that never
stood the breath of storms. Why most of us have retakes in this precious
unit I don't know and I wish not to hypothesize a remedy. I am learning to
walk too on this slippery path.

The sun comes up and it is Sunday, but only a handful of guys to church; the
clock strikes 6pm on weekdays and 9.45 pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and
the TV rooms are over packed, all eyes on the TV, everyone having gone
soapy. You wonder why this massive following ,whether it is because soaps
have much of love offerings that face thousands of storms but always end in
happily-ever-after, one thing that many of us only achieve in our dreams
or it is just the love of soap, the way I love Man U.

October wears out and culture week draws closer. You think of more than four
days of pure entertainment and fun that comes with it and your little
frustrations and miseries are put aside; perhaps to be picked up once
culture week carnival is over. And it comes at no fee. Maybe this is the better side of
it; many of us if not all love free things. And thinking of it, it can be
the time to meet someone real and exciting. I can feel the songs, the poems,
the music and the drums coming in slow but in sure tones and I feel infant wings growing on me in readiness to lift me beyond this madness.I can’t just
wait for this year’s culture week.

Charl Chotto

A Leap Into the View Of The End

I travel places,embrace life,eat life,
Creating memories for those who care to hold,
Breathing fresh air and playing the bad guy,
Worrying,crying,laughing and kissing
When love still lasts ,walking in the light,
And missing the flight to paradise
When life resents my scent,
And years have I spent,
Feeling my head with junk,
Of silent whispers of the "wise men" long gone-
Voices buried in the volumes of rusty dusty books,
And then the bell rings,
Time is up,no more meddling,
The train is ready to take me "home",
And so at the fall of dusk,
All come to  a halt,
My exploits a mere child's first clumsy writing,
Marked on the sand for the rain's dinner,
Without a trace to be washed away,
My blessed and cursed existence and lousy trophies,
Only to dance falteringly without hatred,
In the minds of those who swear to hold forever,
Yet each dawn in bits it burns to ashes.

                                                  

WELCOME TO MY WORLD

Water held up in a limited space and continues to flow in without ever flowing  out is  an angry and tormented mass that sweeps with rage all that it finds on its ways when it finally breaks loose.Similarly thoughts that brew like a storm without ever being said is catastrophic to the proud bearer of such thoughts and to those around.I am always thinking about something with some being trivial and other as weighty as the life which I worry about every day on how to better.This is my outlet-our outlet- a haven where you can listen to the silent whispers that ever echo in my budding mind that is yet to bloom.Your whispers that will be louder than mine will be the rain for the growth towards the sun.And in the presence of other right conditions,I envisage a time when my rose will bloom and I will compose a song to celebrate you stars who make the world a paradise without demanding to be rewarded not even with a warm hug.So welcome to my world!