To be young is fortunate and a tragedy in the same breath.We are imbued with many dreams and waking up in the morning and feeling the young blood pulsate through my veins makes me think that the sun is shining bright for me.But so dangerous are our misguided ambitions that hung on a fragile and bristle string that any little change in the balance of our existence send us reeling to hopelessness and lack self appreciation.
It is god to dream.Langston Hughes was so bothered with dreams he considered it one of the few things in the world that give mortals a second life.But at the same time, I would wish to embrace the sad reality that having unrealistic dreams and inflated ambition is a sure recipe to unhappiness and loss of cordial relationship with life itself.Maybe at the time when I was a boy I had not read Langston Hughes poetry but I was much of a dreamer and had too many amazing dreams some which now I think would only come way in the perfect ideal world.But while learning to walk in life I realized that dreams were like clothes you never put on for ever and depended with the occasion which dictated what to put on.They are like trains you board and jump off and got into another one as long your movement is towards your destination.But even all this insight came with great learning I got out of a broken life when the only thing my youthful desires and ambitions made me was an unhappy lad vexed in the spirit and living a dead life.
Like any boy who lived a disenchanted life in which struggling to put ones head up lest you drawn in the sea of life's many troubles was the order of the day with parents long dead and love not forthcoming from any quarters and every day being a moment to win the favour of those blessed enough to look at your broken face twice,I built a world into which I could escape into.It was a nice world abundant with happiness which were embodied in the person of of a girl.And today I find myself at the sharp edge of Maya Angelou's criticism that "boys seem to think that girls hold the keys to all happiness..."
Today so much water has gone under the bridge and such shallow stereotype having been lived have been proven limited and seriously misleading. I remember pushing myself to the precipice ;my life as teen driven by the incessant search and immortalized by heart breaking desire to find this girl who could teach me the art of love my heart was a stranger to.Life with its endless jabs had knocked up all my passion for life which I thought if granted a chance would be enough to flood the gates of that beautiful girl who out of all would have realized my inner beauty.
She came along and today only a beautiful tale remain in my lips.With her departure having found a better life, died my child hood ideals and like any brooding cynical fool I was tempted to direct all my anger at her person for having robbed me of the only thing that I had in the world.But I thought she was such a beautiful being who had taught me to be a man and to dream again.So in the face of it all I directed my anger at life for being such mean to me and taking stock of the eventful journey my life has been I wrote a cold poem in
protest to my tomorrow which I thought was always so close but never coming at all.Drunk with the obsession of my dreams which I had to leave behind, I never stopped to think of the many beautiful things life has given me and now my heart calls for wisdom and restraint before all the world's madness causes me cardiac arrest.I ended up naming the poem a Fraudster,the only title I deemed befitting tomorrow.
It is a tragedy to place ones happiness in mortals or think that someone has the key to it.How could I blame her for leaving.She had her fears in being with a person who was still learning to crawl in life.After all it is certainty which enable us to live confidently is all what we want.She might not have thought I had the potential to be great but at the same time didn't I have the potential to be a let-down to her sacrifices?-after all human beings are very unpredictable.
So unlike all those other valentines I have spent alone cursing over she who robbed me the possibility of love and this other one I have been chasing after but can't say yes because am not man -enough, I was happy in the comfort of wisdom I have long acquired.Happiness is in the mind;is what you think about your stance and things going around you.And love?It is not like stupid fish you search for and on finding it lure it with a bait.It finds you.So why not do other things and let it knock on my door!
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