When a man is
interested in a woman why does she play hard to get? Is it because people
prefer things that they have worked for rather than things they have got so easily?
And is chasing after a woman really worth it? If it is worth it, does it mean
that then love is at play? The more one gets deeper into thinking about these
questions the more you get confused given it is not clear what we mean by
love; and whether this lack of a clear definition and understanding of love
throws doubt into the subject of its existence.
Love has no an acclaimed universal definition.
How we have experienced, perceived or conceptualized love and what it
represents to us is relative and differs from one person to another and from
one context to another. However, in all different discussion of what love is,
it emerges that it has to do with feelings.
In proposing my views on what might be the
definition of love, I would begin by saying that love exists, but only as an
abstract concept outside us. It only jumps into life and becomes real when
human beings with feelings and emotions and need to belong come into a mutual
coexistence where they share the bond of feelings and acceptance that attracts
them to rely on each other for happiness and emotional satisfaction and
security.However, this view only make sense when we depart from the abstract
sense to its concrete form when individuals feel each other.
Thus love to me is a concept of
convenience.Why?Firstly,every man and woman has a preconceived idea of the kind
of person they want to relate with, be intimate with, have good time with,
depend on emotionally and materially and feel appreciated, cared for and wanted
and perhaps live with. All this desire that we put into that idealized
situation when we should be happy and life should be sheer fun, full of charm
and glamour by virtue of this one amazing person who makes our world stop and
turn around forms the basis of what is the best for us. According to the
Long man English dictionary, the ideas of what is best for one form the
basis the term convenience.
As a
consequence of this preconceived ideas that forms our dreams and expectations,
we go out meeting people and judge them to find out that person who, based
what they have and are, meet our already formed criteria of who they should be
and what they should have. These preconceptions are deeply buried in our
subconscious we barely take note of their continued existence and operation in
our lives but they are there sorting, classifying and judging. At the same
time, during our interactions, the people we meet are always making a statement
of themselves though unconsciously in their talk, attitude, beliefs, dressing
style, educational, social and economic achievement and class and physique. The
hallmark of these aspects which form the people personality is projected into
our minds and then is interpreted on the basis of the ideas we already want.
When these projections are not concurrent with our desires and idea of what is
the best for us. These people are rejected and that is why women and men alike
are not falling in love everyday though they meet many people who are great in
many ways.
However, when the right person comes along,
what they project is taken in, analyzed and readily accepted. Given the person
has what we desire in a ,then it seems we are operating on the same frequency
and so we connect, that is get attracted to the person through appreciation and
desire to have them in our lives. This connection embodies the acceptance of
the other person hence a strong feeling of attraction to the other. Thus we
desire and want to be with the person because we like them and feel special bonding.
It is this connection, acceptance and liking that now combines to form that
wonderful feeling of an involuntary attachment to their person such that make
us feel nice and elated. But even so choice comes into play as we decide
whether to make the connection mutual by letting the other know that we have
connected with them and make them too get connected with us. When the
connection becomes mutual the love ceases to be an abstract term and become
real though we cannot touch it but many would profess the feel it.
However, this definition might seem so
idealistic in a world where our perceived world and the real world are
incompletely incongruous. The building up of the idea of what one’s life should
be is in itself an idealization. The preconception of what is the best for one
such as a lot of love, happiness, peace and tranquility in a stable
relationship is an ideal construct.However, these ideals we prop up do not last
when we get into the real world where different forces in life pull heart
breaking stunts on us we get disappointed and disillusioned. But the good news
is that people adjust in all situations. Thus in the real world we would still
judge things base on our ideals but we settle for that which is still the best
for us though not the actual thing we ever dreamt of. We go for that which will
work for us.Unfortunately,some people never accept the reality and learn to
live within the limitations of the real world where the interplay of so many
factors makes it hard to find that which we ever wanted.Such individuals get
tired with waiting for that which they cannot find and they conclude that love
does not exist.
Most of the time we go for people who share a
lot of things with us. These are people in who, like the mirror, we see the
reflections of ourselves in them. Before we find these people love is there but
only it exists outside us but once we find that person whom we want and have
connected and decided to be with them, then love is conceived in us
This is how I
see love to be. How is it for you?
